What's That Ice Cream Flavour?

Having tonnes of documents to sign, I reluctantly pushed my notebook away just to have these "bundles of joy" cleared. Nevertheless, there are things on my mind that keep playing over and over again like an old broken gramaphone. Do one really need to be in love to be in a relationship? Or do people really start out as friends and jumped into a relationship and slowly, like a tide, falls into romance?

Maybe when I had that traumatic break up last year, being in the receiving end of 3 broken relationships all due to betrayals, I am probably now too afraid of being in love. Maybe the fear of getting hurt again is just to pronounce. Sometimes in many lonely nights, that fear resonants and I just can't help feeling empty as the loneliness crept to my veins. Some days I feel like running away from it all, running aimlessly in the woods hopping the big bad wolf would gobble me up in his big tum-tum. Some days the butterflies in my stomach wouldn't stop moving, making me feel like regurgitating.

Where am I going now, sometimes I asked myself? I am happier than I was few months back, though. Yup, though. Immersing myself in the depth of these bundles of joy, work.. sometimes helps me to get these things off my head. I feel like the synapses of my brain are working overtime, shooting information at warp speed. I just don't feel right. Have you ever had an ice cream and tried to identify the flavour but you just can't? It tastes like vanilla but its not. Its not corn but it has a caramel taste. Its like that. I am contended but I can't figure out contended of what. And there are times, I wanted more ice cream to really identify their tastes to be sure. What's that ice cream's flavour? Get me?

When we are in a relationship, especially when it has just begun. Remember the adrenaline rush? The drug-like feeling (of course have not tried that) but that rush? The feeling of emptiness when you don't see your loved one. That burst of happiness you feel when you see him/her passing by the corridor. The wide smile you have when you get sweet text messages from them. I don't get those. I think I may have lost that 'in love' feeling. There's a void inside that I am yearning to fill up, however, I just can't put my finger on it.

I'd better get back to work. Relationships are great but so damn confusing sometimes. I need to get myself sorted out. Where's the Guiness!