So now what? I am officially unemployed for the first time since 2000 where I was unemployed for 3 months. That was not so pleasant.
However, I do not consider myself unemployed, rather, self-employed fits me more. I'm doing emceeing, events and have a greater time to explore my passion in photography. Firstly, I need a good facial, full body massage, manicure and some good deserve 8 hour sleep. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm insomniac but rather I tend to have lack of sleep, between 5 - 7 hours only.
I will tend to my blog more often now as I am now a man of leisure. Bliss. Nevertheless, I think I must get my priorities right though. My car porch is long overdue with the laying of new tiles. Ceiling needs fixing and the roof needs to be repaired soonest.
But until then, I am going to take my time and enjoy life.
My boss yelled at me today. And it was something not of my doing. I had a choice to either fight back or let him vent it all out on me and not letting it bother me. Well, easier said than done. However, I am glad that I am not the person who keeps anger and negativity in me that much or for a long period of time. Being human it is only natural that we turn our modes into a defensive one and having to deal with negative words or being yell at, insulted or humiliated; these are the basic ingredients that will snap you into the said mode and the reaction to that would be anger. If I were to have superpowers and a could channel negative energies to anything I touch, then a nice beautiful flower would probably wither and die in an instant. And turn into dust! That was how I felt for the first 15 minutes.
I believe that if one is angry, it is crucial to learn to let go as soon as possible. The longer you keep that anger or negativity inside, the worse it will feel. Let's take this analogy. Anger or grudges or anything negative in that circle, is like fresh rubbish. Rubbish you have just collected. Now, imagine keeping that rubbish binned, in your kitchen for few days or even a week. I bet your kitchen would stink like a huge dumping site. Your dog wouldn't even dare to walk in the kitchen. Any bird flying across would fall dead. Shrek would slap himself for smelling nicer. Anger & negativity are like that. Let them go immediately. And, when you are angry, in this case that smelly rubbish bin; whatever you do, do not open your mouth or it shall smell! What I'm saying is, whatever that comes from your mouth will stink, hurt someone and you may regret doing so.
I guess it does take time to master this exercise. I have been doing this for a while so, it doesn't take me much effort. But having said that, I do get upset or anger but it normally last no longer than 30 mins. It takes more energy to be anger, holding a grudge. Not forgetting the headache that comes with it. Let it go. You will avoid having to spend loads of money in wrinkle creams or anti aging serums.
It's 2012. In 1990 I had my first relationship which lasted for a long 8 years until we drifted apart amicably. But has changed? I wished relationship are like cellphones. It improves in time, gets more high tech, less hassle and user friendly. I think relationships, the whole concept of it never did change so much, ever!
We sometimes try to be tactful and diplomatic as we age but it takes two to tango. I may have evolved or change to be a better man in the whole relationship thing but when your partner is not in sync and has his or her own beliefs and rationale then it will just not work. Being in a relationship to me is like a career. You need to work on it everyday in order to reap its sweet fruit. Careerwise, you get money, financial support. In relationships, you get emotional stability, security, emotional support, love and sex. I think no matter how hard you try to be a better person and make things work, if the other half thinks otherwise and does not go into the same wavelength as you are then it is going to be a losing battle. Wait let me rephrase that, a losing effort. Relationships is all about efforts. Some have to make bigger efforts to make it work, some fortunate soul makes a little and voila, all is great.
In my case, when you are in a long distance relationship, paranoia comes into play. Yes i was naughty in my past when i was single and enjoying life on my own. People tends to bring back the past, the long lost uneventful history into the now. And what do you get? Heartaches & headaches. Sigh... I am trying to be accepting too. It is sometimes a struggle if the words you are thrown at are just painful sometimes. I am a man, a grown man so I have to accept them. Take it like a man. But men have feelings too. It's so intriguing when one minute everything is sweet and lovey dovey. And next thing your partner throws in a mind boggling text message and changes things. I am an uncomplicated guy who lives in a simple life. When you have texted I love yous and I miss yous, aren't those enough for the day? I guess to some it is not. Those words need to be said and texted more than once a day, otherwise you are deemed as being not a good lover.
I am struggling to keep up being up to standard. But being a busy guy, I believe texting one 'love you' a day will suffice. Your partner needs to understand that otherwise it will just turn nasty. She/he wants at least 3-4 times a day. Is that paranoia? Is that low esteem? I'm not too sure but it is bugging me. Right now, I'll just carry on moving forward to the best ability.
The sky cloudy today. And me feeling rather melancholic. A lot of things have happened in my life in this short 2 months entering 2011. But what really attracted to me this
time around is Love. Yes, overrated to some
but important to most of us. But i
don't feel like talking about love directly but staying in love rather.
To feel the buzz when we first meet someone new is a wonderful thing. The feeling of euphoria, the feeling of happiness. We can't stop smiling even with just one text message from him/her. But if you are already in a relationship, that 'in love' feeling with slowly progress and evolve into something even more wonderful. Something intangible. You will lose the feeling of 'ar dear, i miss you, i love you, texting everyday, just one look and you feel like melting, you think of no one else but your loved one'. Indeed, you will lose that but love evolve into something even greater.
Most of all, being loved unconditionally. Let me ask you this, you mess up the bed coz you are a lazy bum and making the bed is hard work. After brushing your teeth, you came back to the bedroom and find the bed all made up. You come back from work tir
ed and you are greeted with a warm smile, a hug & dinner being cooked. It is your turn to throw the thrash or bathe your pet, but you are in no mood to do so. Ten minutes later, the thrash is out, the pet is clean and smelling good. Now, I tell you this.
Isn't this is better than being in love? Because, what you are experiencing is unconditional Love, showed by someone who truly cares & loves you. I can go on, and on, and on.
You now have, security, stability, respect, feeling of being owned, shareness, thoughtfulness and more but
Here is the thing though. Most of us thinking adults couldn't differentiate between the advantages/benefits of Love (sounds so business-like) and the highs of being in love. That's where unfaithfullness walks in. That awful bastard! hehehe. Some of us, would trade our stable Love life for that 'drug', the need to have a high in feeling 'in love'. On your left, you have:
1) Stable partner
3) Pets (optional)
4) A wonderful home
5) A car
7) Fond memories together
8) Fun times
9) Children (if you have)
..the list goes on.
And you are willing to throw all these away, just for the sake of 'being in love' with someone else? The evil 'Unfaithfullness' starts pumping things in your head. Someone starts smiling and showed a bit of interest at you. The demon asked you to follow his advise. "You like me? hahaha. Ya, ya..I have a partner but (you start lying) we are not that serious anymore. We have problems (you don't! what are you doing?). I didn't know you like me. Call me sometime ok?"
That unsuspecting admirer now gets a false picture, a picture that we are not happy, you have nothing, but most of all.. you are available. So she/he thinks that it is ok to keep texting you, calling you. Unsuspecting that all you want is sex & that 'in love' highs. The Unfaithfulness Demon, now runs the show. You have lost control and the lying continues. Why? Because you want that 'drug', that new highs, the new sex. The demon will drive you to the point where, you don't care how your partner feels, you don't care what you currently have. The demon planted a seed in your mind, saying "i have problems with my partner, she/he doesn't care much etc." The seed grows, you start to believe that there are problems when the truth is, it has been exaggerated. All you want right now, is the new girl/guy,..to have sex, to feel the new euphoria you have been missing. You will lie to kingdom come and show you care just to get your hands on her/his pants. It's so sad when this happens.
Back to the Love thing. I think it is important to really talk in a relationship. Read articles, understand what love & relationship is all about. Try not to forget who we really are and what we want from this relationship/marriage. To be loved and to love is greater than the feeling of being in love. Being in love, that feeling will fade over short time. It will eventually evolve.
If we care & love our partners enough, why trade that new feeling
for something stable and for sure? If it is sex, then talk. Spice up your life. Read books, magazines, articles, do it together! Stay grounded and humble.
Our culture here can be quite conservative as most of us are not brought up to communicate amongst each other. Do you talk and confide to your parents, the closest people to you, about your feelings, your needs, your aspirations? I bet you don't. But make a change in your relationship though. It may feel weird or out of your comfort zone but if you love one another enough, what is a 10 minute communication with someone you truly cares. Throw your ego away, sweep that 'I'm a man' attitude out of the door.
But most of all, appreciate one another. Go away on a nice spot and talk. There is no greater feeling than to feel appreciated. Don't forget, love is in you. Harness it, grow it, work it and there will be no greater feeling in this world than to Love & Be Loved unconditionally.
Sleep Well Rocky. Sept 2008 - 25 Dec 2010, he was two. It's never easy and never will be when you lose someone, in my case my dog, labrador retriever Rocky. First thing I noticed is that the house is too quiet. I miss him whining to go out for a pee, wanting to play..sob, sob.. Love you Rocks. Now you have wings, and guarding the gates of Heaven.
Not bad for tuesday. I have tonnes of documents to sign today, an accummulation of 1 day out of office piled up. I should not complain i guess, and don't get me wrong I'm not. It's a great thing to have something to do and keeps you busy at most times. Not that I am nursing a broken heart or something but merely keeping abreast of work.
After coming back from Manila, I've realised something I was thinking all along. The many times I have visited Manila, I was always attached, having a partner. And this time around, I am single (including the february trip). It's kinda cool to be single again for a while..and maybe that's the kind of life I want to be in, at the moment. I'm not pushing aside the dating game but i must keep them informed on what my needs are. It's highly irresponsible if you do not let your dates know that you are only there for the company and nothing more.
Unfortunately, I guess, there will be people out there whom I date, will eventually fall for me. I guess I'm not a bad guy. I'm fun to be with and accommodating in most situations. Now is that fair? Am I leading them on? Only if I do not tell them prior to the date that I was not looking for a relationship. But does that make me a bad guy? Maybe I am, but I cannot help it. I'm not ready to love & be loved. Reminiscing teh pain I have gone through, believe you me, I am not ready to get back into the bandwagon. Not for a while though.. But then again, it's good to have a bench mark. So, I am setting really high standards now. If I don't get the partner of my dream, then so be it..my loss.
" I think about that sometimes - learning to play in a parking lot, stringing nets between cars. I learned to play by hitting against a brick wall, not a ball machine or other players. And my Father was my coach - teaching me from a twenty year-old book. When I hear people say that you can't make it in tennis if you don't have a lot of money, I know they're wrong. We didn't have much money. But I loved the sport and that was enough." - Monica Seles -
In Bed With Rex
Hmm..daddys bed is so much better than mine..!
Aww..he was 3 months then..
Rex & Bobbi
Playtime..I like this caviar taste tennis ball..yumm.. Not. Goku stop scratching Rex's butt!