Don't Keep Anger In Too Long

My boss yelled at me today. And it was something not of my doing. I had a choice to either fight back or let him vent it all out on me and not letting it bother me. Well, easier said than done. However, I am glad that I am not the person who keeps anger and negativity in me that much or for a long period of time. Being human it is only natural that we turn our modes into a defensive one and having to deal with negative words or being yell at, insulted or humiliated; these are the basic ingredients that will snap you into the said mode and the reaction to that would be anger.  If I were to have superpowers and a could channel negative energies to anything I touch, then a nice beautiful flower would probably wither and die in an instant. And turn into dust! That was how I felt for the first 15 minutes. 


I believe that if one is angry, it is crucial to learn to let go as soon as possible. The longer you keep that anger or negativity inside, the worse it will feel. Let's take this analogy. Anger or grudges or anything negative in that circle, is like fresh rubbish. Rubbish you have just collected.  Now, imagine keeping that rubbish binned, in your kitchen for few days or even a week. I bet your kitchen would stink like a huge dumping site. Your dog wouldn't even dare to walk in the kitchen.  Any bird flying across would fall dead.  Shrek would slap himself for smelling nicer. Anger & negativity are like that. Let them go immediately.  And, when you are angry, in this case that smelly rubbish bin; whatever you do, do not open your mouth or it shall smell! What I'm saying is, whatever that comes from your mouth will stink, hurt  someone and you may regret doing so.


I guess it does take time to master this exercise. I have been doing this for a while so, it doesn't take me much effort. But having said that, I do get upset or anger but it normally last no longer than 30 mins. It takes more energy to be anger, holding a grudge. Not forgetting the headache that comes with it. Let it go. You will avoid having to spend loads of money in wrinkle creams or anti aging serums.

Relationship. What Do I Know!

It's 2012. In 1990 I had my first relationship which lasted for a long 8 years until we drifted apart amicably. But has changed? I wished relationship are like cellphones. It improves in time, gets more high tech, less hassle and user friendly. I think relationships, the whole concept of it never did change so much, ever!

We sometimes try to be tactful and diplomatic as we age but it takes two to tango. I may have evolved or change to be a better man in the whole relationship thing but when your partner is not in sync and has his or her own beliefs and rationale then it will just not work. Being in a relationship to me is like a career. You need to work on it everyday in order to reap its sweet fruit. Careerwise, you get money, financial support. In relationships, you get emotional stability, security, emotional support, love and sex. I think no matter how hard you try to be a better person and make things work, if the other half thinks otherwise and does not go into the same wavelength as you are then it is going to be a losing battle. Wait let me rephrase that, a losing effort. Relationships is all about efforts. Some have to make bigger efforts to make it work, some fortunate soul makes a little and voila, all is great.

In my case, when you are in a long distance relationship, paranoia comes into play. Yes i was naughty in my past when i was single and enjoying life on my own. People tends to bring back the past, the long lost uneventful history into the now. And what do you get? Heartaches & headaches. Sigh... I am trying to be accepting too. It is sometimes a struggle if the words you are thrown at are just painful sometimes. I am a man, a grown man so I have to accept them. Take it like a man. But men have feelings too. It's so intriguing when one minute everything is sweet and lovey dovey. And next thing your partner throws in a mind boggling text message and changes things. I am an uncomplicated guy who lives in a simple life. When you have texted I love yous and I miss yous, aren't those enough for the day? I guess to some it is not. Those words need to be said and texted more than once a day, otherwise you are deemed as being not a good lover.

I am struggling to keep up being up to standard. But being a busy guy, I believe texting one 'love you' a day will suffice. Your partner needs to understand that otherwise it will just turn nasty. She/he wants at least 3-4 times a day. Is that paranoia? Is that low esteem? I'm not too sure but it is bugging me. Right now, I'll just carry on moving forward to the best ability.

We Forget or We Just Don't Care

The sky cloudy today. And me feeling rather melancholic. A lot of things have happened in my life in this short 2 months entering 2011. But what really attracted to me this

time around is Love. Yes, overrated to some

but important to most of us. But i

don't feel like talking about love directly but staying in love rather.

To feel the buzz when we first meet someone new is a wonderful thing. The feeling of euphoria, the feeling of happiness. We can't stop smiling even with just one text message from him/her. But if you are already in a relationship, that 'in love' feeling with slowly progress and evolve into something even more wonderful. Something intangible. You will lose the feeling of 'ar dear, i miss you, i love you, texting everyday, just one look and you feel like melting, you think of no one else but your loved one'. Indeed, you will lose that but love evolve into something even greater.

Most of all, being loved unconditionally. Let me ask you this, you mess up the bed coz you are a lazy bum and making the bed is hard work. After brushing your teeth, you came back to the bedroom and find the bed all made up. You come back from work tir

ed and you are greeted with a warm smile, a hug & dinner being cooked. It is your turn to throw the thrash or bathe your pet, but you are in no mood to do so. Ten minutes later, the thrash is out, the pet is clean and smelling good. Now, I tell you this.

Isn't this is better than being in love? Because, what you are experiencing is unconditional Love, showed by someone who truly cares & loves you. I can go on, and on, and on.

You now have, security, stability, respect, feeling of being owned, shareness, thoughtfulness and more but

Here is the thing though. Most of us thinking adults couldn't differentiate between the advantages/benefits of Love (sounds so business-like) and the highs of being in love. That's where unfaithfullness walks in. That awful bastard! hehehe. Some of us, would trade our stable Love life for that 'drug', the need to have a high in feeling 'in love'. On your left, you have:

1) Stable partner

2) Security

3) Pets (optional)

4) A wonderful home

5) A car

6) Holidays

7) Fond memories together

8) Fun times

9) Children (if you have)

..the list goes on.

And you are willing to throw all these away, just for the sake of 'being in love' with someone else? The evil 'Unfaithfullness' starts pumping things in your head. Someone starts smiling and showed a bit of interest at you. The demon asked you to follow his advise. "You like me? hahaha. Ya, ya..I have a partner but (you start lying) we are not that serious anymore. We have problems (you don't! what are you doing?). I didn't know you like me. Call me sometime ok?"

That unsuspecting admirer now gets a false picture, a picture that we are not happy, you have nothing, but most of all.. you are available. So she/he thinks that it is ok to keep texting you, calling you. Unsuspecting that all you want is sex & that 'in love' highs. The Unfaithfulness Demon, now runs the show. You have lost control and the lying continues. Why? Because you want that 'drug', that new highs, the new sex. The demon will drive you to the point where, you don't care how your partner feels, you don't care what you currently have. The demon planted a seed in your mind, saying "i have problems with my partner, she/he doesn't care much etc." The seed grows, you start to believe that there are problems when the truth is, it has been exaggerated. All you want right now, is the new girl/guy,..to have sex, to feel the new euphoria you have been missing. You will lie to kingdom come and show you care just to get your hands on her/his pants. It's so sad when this happens.

Back to the Love thing. I think it is important to really talk in a relationship. Read articles, understand what love & relationship is all about. Try not to forget who we really are and what we want from this relationship/marriage. To be loved and to love is greater than the feeling of being in love. Being in love, that feeling will fade over short time. It will eventually evolve.

If we care & love our partners enough, why trade that new feeling

for something stable and for sure? If it is sex, then talk. Spice up your life. Read books, magazines, articles, do it together! Stay grounded and humble.

Our culture here can be quite conservative as most of us are not brought up to communicate amongst each other. Do you talk and confide to your parents, the closest people to you, about your feelings, your needs, your aspirations? I bet you don't. But make a change in your relationship though. It may feel weird or out of your comfort zone but if you love one another enough, what is a 10 minute communication with someone you truly cares. Throw your ego away, sweep that 'I'm a man' attitude out of the door.

But most of all, appreciate one another. Go away on a nice spot and talk. There is no greater feeling than to feel appreciated. Don't forget, love is in you. Harness it, grow it, work it and there will be no greater feeling in this world than to Love & Be Loved unconditionally.

Rest in Peace My Big Boy

Sleep Well Rocky. Sept 2008 - 25 Dec 2010, he was two. It's never easy and never will be when you lose someone, in my case my dog, labrador retriever Rocky. First thing I noticed is that the house is too quiet. I miss him whining to go out for a pee, wanting to play..sob, sob.. Love you Rocks. Now you have wings, and guarding the gates of Heaven.

Responsible Me

Not bad for tuesday. I have tonnes of documents to sign today, an accummulation of 1 day out of office piled up. I should not complain i guess, and don't get me wrong I'm not. It's a great thing to have something to do and keeps you busy at most times. Not that I am nursing a broken heart or something but merely keeping abreast of work.

After coming back from Manila, I've realised something I was thinking all along. The many times I have visited Manila, I was always attached, having a partner. And this time around, I am single (including the february trip). It's kinda cool to be single again for a while..and maybe that's the kind of life I want to be in, at the moment. I'm not pushing aside the dating game but i must keep them informed on what my needs are. It's highly irresponsible if you do not let your dates know that you are only there for the company and nothing more.

Unfortunately, I guess, there will be people out there whom I date, will eventually fall for me. I guess I'm not a bad guy. I'm fun to be with and accommodating in most situations. Now is that fair? Am I leading them on? Only if I do not tell them prior to the date that I was not looking for a relationship. But does that make me a bad guy? Maybe I am, but I cannot help it. I'm not ready to love & be loved. Reminiscing teh pain I have gone through, believe you me, I am not ready to get back into the bandwagon. Not for a while though.. But then again, it's good to have a bench mark. So, I am setting really high standards now. If I don't get the partner of my dream, then so be it..my loss.

This Used To Be My Playground Part 2

"Mommy these bricks are heavy" I said. I was carrying 3 bricks from the old house to the new house we were building. Several months later the house was completed. We were ecstatic. There were four of us kids now, my elder sister Grace, me, little sister Maria and the baby Adalita. I remembered mom & dad worked really hard doing the house. But it was cool coz the house is finally done. I got a small room. My sisters got the bigger room. We had a bigger kitchen, bigger house. It was grand! I was 5.

Then i got enrolled to St.Francis Kindergarten at the age of 5. I remembered when dad left, I screamed and cried and climbed the fence. A teacher tried to pull me off the fence. Aahh, I remembered that. But the very next day i couldn't wait to go to school. I love those plastercines. And i was quite the ladies man. I remembered kissing a girl or two. And those girls loved me. hahaha..must be my puppy dog eyes at that time. Now.. i wondered what happened to these girls.

At 6 I was enrolled to Sacred Heart Primary school. Darjah 1 Hijau. I remembered those wooden chairs & desk, damn small. I couldn't believe it when I visited my old school 2 years ago, and went to my old classroom. I was so small. I was at Sacred Heart Primary till I was at standard 6. I had a blast. I even started taking the bus home from standard 3. We were really independent kids back then. I bet my sisters would never let their kids take the bus. I did a lot of sports in primary school, and loads of fighting during recess time. We always have a 'fight' with the class 6 Merah. It went on from standard 5 to 6. I just love fighting I guess. Those days lunch was fried mee hoon and tow foo. It was around 50 cents only. What can you get at that price now? hehehehe.. Life was good.

This Used To Be My Playground Part 1

I used to love the sound of the raindrops on our zinc roof at Papar. I still do, maybe a reminisce of my childhood. I was probably 3 years old that time. Life was very hard. My dad worked hard to support his mestiza wife and two kids, my elder sister and me. Mom was pregnant carrying my sister Maria. Living in an old delipidated house, I remembered playing with our neighbours kids at the back of our wooden house. Mom was busy selling peanuts and watermelon to school children passing by our house. We were very poor. My four year old sister tried her best sealing the peanut filled plastic bag by burning the edges with a candle. My tiny hands couldn't coordinate well as I got burnt few times. Mom, wouldn't let me do it, so I resorted on playing football or throwing stuffs with my neighbours. We didn't have enough sometimes, that my dad would take me fishing by the river, Buang Sayang, I think. Yeah, we have dinner! That was all that could remember other than fall on my mouth once playing at the back of the kitchen where it had an open space. I would spread talcum powder all over and start sliding or 'skating' on the wooden floor with the neighbours kids. I had fun till i fell and broke my front tooth. Mom was not happy. She was the disciplinarian.

I remembered my dad driving a Fiat, EJB368. I loved that car coz I get to sit in front with that bench type seat. Dad used to put me on his lap when he drives and me pretending to drive that old Fiat. The steering wheel was thinner than those we have today. Then one day we moved to Kampung Dabak Penampang, my dad's kampong. We stayed in this way cooler wooden house, with large wooden windows. It was really exciting when we moved in. Mom started planting plants in Milo tins where she would put along the 4-5 steps staircase. I remembered food was enough, just enough. I remembered having fish 'basung' for lunch, some vegetables because that was all we could afford. Nevertheless mom always gets us really nice clothes. My sister Grace was always in this bareback dress. I seemed to recall, that's all she ever wore most of the time. I was always in little cute white singlets and shorts. Mom always insisted me wearing pyjamas at night with my little white shirt. One day though, my mom saw my 'talent' in sliding, so she made use of that so called skill to polish the floor using coconut husk. Initally I was so excited, I was sliding the husk , polishing the wooden floor enthusiastically. Then one day, I started to dread that task. But I had a wonderful childhood then. Then came my sister Maria, we call her Lulu. My sister & I took turns on the bouncy net to put her to slip. I sometimes fell asleep on the floor before she did.

As life was tough then, mom taught my sister and myself to cook, boil water using charcoal & firewood. I'm telling you it's exciting stuff! Then one fine day, I remembered mom got my sister dressed up and me too, as we were celebrating her birthday. The kampong kids started coming, I was busy playing with my aeroplane. I remembered her calling me, to sing happy birthday to my sister. I think she was four, in her brown floral bareback again. Having a cake was like winning the lottery then. Mom was more excited than us. She boiled some red coloured eggs. We hardly have them anymore I guess. The little party burst into full gear when us kids start screaming and playing. Mom told me not to start fighting with my sister, as we fight all the time.

We were poor then, but mom taught us about being happy to what we have. Was it a hard life? It was but we were happy until...